There’s a pretty straightforward formula about Suffering (in response to pain) that goes like this:
Pain + Resistance = Suffering
The Mind Body Process formula is simpler:
Knowledge + Self-Kindness = Less Suffering
“Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional” (author unknown)
Listen to a short explanation of kindology by clicking below:
Let me break it down to bite size.
Pain is any unavoidable emotional and/or physical discomfort that comes into one’s life.
Resistance is any effort to push away or distract oneself from emotional or physical pain. This includes obsessing about pain, and engaging in mental activities, and physical behaviors and actions that distract you from what is going on in your body.
Suffering? Well, it’s the end result of resisting pain.
And what’s so bad about resisting pain? I mean it HURTS, right?
You bet it does!
(Here comes a big clue to healing.)
Suffering keeps us from feeling our emotions!
And without accessing and processing those little guys (I’m talking about anger, grief, sadness, all those seemingly ‘unacceptable’ emotions)….the cycle continues…..Pain, Resistance, Suffering………..
The pain keeps coming back! “What we resist – persists!”
So, where does Kindology come in?
When we’re consumed with pain – we battle ourselves. Our bodies defend against danger via the sympathetic nervous system’s fight/flight or freeze response. When challenging emotions are being suppressed, this response becomes the triad of hell: self-judgment, self-absorption and isolation. We are anything but kind to ourselves.
(Here comes another big clue to healing!)
Kindology is our pathway back to Self, humanity and wellbeing.
Self-kindness to me means loving oneself unapologetically, with the overarching desire to be happy and free from suffering.
The Mind Body Process involves integrating the knowledge that unpleasant bodily symptoms and sensations are intensified by the tension the mind creates with thoughts about the pain.
The core of our suffering is uncomfortable emotions that we have not accessed, felt and released; this core is not a disease or physical injury as you might expect.
Therefore, the power to heal rests ultimately in allowing the pain to exist – without trying to judge it, resist, force it, change it, distract from it or manipulate it away.
I am not suggesting for a minute that you give up any of your doctors, modalities, medicines or other complementary resources as you adopt this process. Actually they can work together nicely as a natural adjunct.
In my experience the most direct and successful way to reduced suffering is to integrate the Mind Body Process, along with the kindness balance practice.
How do you begin?
“Something deep in the human soul seems to depend on the presence of kindness; something instinctive in us expects it, and once we sense it we are able to trust and open ourselves” ~John O’Donahue
Here are the basics of Kindology:
- Accept that you are human.
- Acknowledge it is neither a linear path; nor, a quick fix!
- Understand that it isn’t always warm and cozy.
- Be willing to shine a light on the REAL stuff mixing around in your internal world.
- Evaluate your values to get clear on your precious boundaries.
- Say “NO!”– especially when you mean it!·
- Speak your truth impeccibly to self and others.
- Extend compassion and empathy to yourself even when you don’t think you deserve it.
- Practice being in the present moment regularly.
- Accept yourself with respect and love.
I know – this is quite the list! Just start with one.
This is where I come in as your mind body coach, I can help you discern which areas of your life need the most attention and guide you through the process of beginning a kindness practice.
Ask yourself today: ‘What is the kindest thing I can do for myself right now?’